Tuesday, March 22, 2016

White House Releases Official Statement re: Brussels



President Barack Obama, enjoying a day of baseball in America's new BFF, Cuba, issued the following statement regarding the incident in Brussels:

"At this time, we have little solid information to go on.  Preliminary reports indicate that this was not a coordinated event, but rather multiple incidents of random, work-place violence perpetrated by lone wolf actors.  It is believed that these actors may have been Caucasian, Christian males, with strong political ideations leaning to extreme right wing conservatism.  From the early reports, information gathered indicates that the men used AK-47 Assault Uzis with high capacity clips, purchased at a Texas gun show through the gun show loop hole.  Again, this is all preliminary information.  Acts of retaliation against White Christian males, specifically those wearing clothing depicting racist images of the Confederate Battle Flag, NASCAR, or Donald Trump are being discouraged at this time.  The prayers of Michelle and myself go out to Allah that peace will reign supreme in all areas of the Caliphate"

The President then proceeded to swallow an entire footlong in one bite.  Then he had a hot dog too.

6 comments:

  1. How dare you make such inflammatory statements about our President. You seem to suggest the Light Bringer consumed pork, when we all know that the "hot dog" of either variety was pork free and truly Halal.

    Peace be upon the one who lowers the temperature and the oceans on his order so that the true followers may walk into America with dry feet and bloodied blades to bring the Religion of Peace to the infidels who will joyfully accept it or peacefully die.

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  2. If that wasn't satire I'd believe it. ;-)

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    Replies
    1. I'm just going off his old scripts. It was more than a lucky guess.

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  3. Why is it that is so easy to believe about this filthy POS?

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    1. Probably because we've all heard this song and dance a few too many times.

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